Okay, let's get this out of the way first. I've been out of the picture for awhile, but I'm back and having success for some reason. Three in the last two weeks. I usually don't brag about this shit, but that funkin weak chodey friend told me he had sex with 4 girls in the last 3 months so I'm like, why not, that's a challenge if I ever heard one. If he can fuck 4 chick in 3 months, I can double that in my sleep. I'm no Brad Pitt, but c'mon. He's the least coordinated non-athlete ever with minimal self-awareness. I know I'm an idiot! That helps.

He is a douche, and I am the cure.

But I digress. Tonight I pulled the best pick-up move ever. It didn't work. But it has mad potential.

I was at Circle Bar and I saw this bitch sitting solo by the entrance and...well, I didn't know if she was by herself. But she was sitting with a girl on one side and nobody on the other and looking hot. For ten minutes that was the status quo.

So here's my revolutionary move--I made a paper airplane out of a napkin. It sucked so I made another one out of a receipt. Then I took it over to her and said "I was going to throw this at you but I didn't think it would make it far enough."

Then I told her, "Do you think it would've made it?" She went ahead and threw it and it went straight down like Dave's cock and I'm like, "you threw it wrong, you twisted your wrist and made it go straight down. If I threw it it would be flying over Edmonton right now" or something like that.

Anyway, I talked to this bitch for a little while at least. Don't get me wrong, she's a hot piece of ass with bangs and I'm sure a wet cunt witch needs cock.

Only problem is she's 22.

Younger chicks always look hotter than they are. Cause they're young. In reality she's a wreck. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

She's like, "I hate my life."

Jesus, do you want to get fucked or not, dumb whore? Don't put this depressed BS on me.

Fucking lit major at UC Riverside. And she thinks she's a genius waiting to be discovered.

Let me tell you something. I used to think I was a genius waiting to be discovered. If you're waiting to be discovered, you're not a genius, twat. Do you think Jim Cameron waited around for somebody to give him the script to Terminator?

Still, nothing that a little jizz in twat (or at least throat) won't cure. At least tonight. But no, she has to continue with the self-loathing schtick. Dumb cunt.

Anyways, I wasted the best line ever on her. That line will definitely get me so tail, no question. If I'm not careful, it will get some bitches knocked up.

And oh yeah, I fucked a bitch on Friday night. That I met at like 1:50 ON THE WAY OUT OF CIRCLE BAR.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Klanno.

It helps being 6' 1" with tight ass jeans (that constantly pressed on my bladder so I needed to pee every 10 minutes) blond hair and a fuckin RAGLAN 50/50 American Apparel shirt!

Goddam I never thought this would happen. Goodbye Robert Graham. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

One more thing, pilgrims. Remember to wear a condom. The last thing you want is a call from a girl you don't remember telling you you're a daddy.

Especially if she's fat.