Weekend of 12/15 report (Part 1)

It's ironic that on this blog in which I am planning on chronicling all of my ridiculously pathetic solo club excursions which inevitably end up in failure, the first weekend I have to mention was not actually a complete crash-and-burn. More like crash-and-mildly-smoke-but-walk-away. Which is extremely rare, because usually you can set your watch on the crash-and-burn.

It's also ironic that I only went out on Saturday and actually stayed home on Friday. I know I said in my last post that I usually go out "every Friday and Saturday" and normally I do, but last weekend was an abnormal weekend. Allow me to explain.

My company X-mas party was on Thursday night. I work at a medium-sized media company in LA and we had a good year, so they rented out a swank Hollywood club for the occasion and seeing how I always like to check out the clubs, I was in like Flynn for that. Especially with the free booze.

Now, I don't want to go into this too much, because the whole dating-at-work thing is an entire 10-part blog by itself and I am steadfast against it. But suffice to say, when you get approximately 300 20/30-something people together with free firewater...well temptation can rear it's ugly head. Unfortunately for me, it reared it's ugly head in the form of drinking 2 gin-and-sodas, a screwdriver, 2 captain-diet cokes and probably about 4 shots. Fortunately, I was so lit from this I didn't really know Adam from Adam (I work with two Adams) and wasn't doing the Solo Clubber act. Unfortunately, this was Thursday night--I had to be at work the next morning.

And as anybody who has imbibed in bottomless liquor will tell you, the night's sleep that you get after is not very restful at all. Especially if you're a dumbass and forget to drink any H2O whatsoever. As a matter of fact, scientific studies performed on Cal State Chico freshman determined (not really) that drunken stupor sleep is only worth about half as much as real sleep. That is, you have to multiply however many hours you slept by 0.5. I'm no math major, but even I know that 6 hours X 0.5 equals 3 hours. Which I didn't need to calculate because that's how much sleep I felt like I got when I woke up Friday morning.

Anyways, following a full day of work on Friday I collapsed in bed within 5 minutes of getting home at 7pm. So my precious Friday night was shot just like that.

On the plus side, it was also a cheap night. Which is rare in a place like LA. But again, more on that in another blog.

The moral of the story is that it's not necessarily a bad thing to get restful non-drunken sleep on Friday night when you have a room at the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas on Saturday night. And you have to drive to Las Vegas alone to get to said room.

Oh, and did I mention that I had my own room at IP? I figured I wouldn't have to spell that out, considering the nature of this blog and its title. Because clearly, if Solo Clubber is pathetic and weird enough to go out to dance clubs on Saturday night in Las Vegas, than I am easily pathetic and weird enough to segue to Solo Hotel Guest and get my own room, because that's only about 1/10th as weird, even if it is still a little weird.

So as you've probably guessed, the whole point of getting the solo room is to give me false hope that maybe somehow the room will no longer be solo once I get back to it after a night of shenanigans and debauchery at the LV clubs.

Well in this case, as is usually the case, I did come home empty-handed at 5am (so my hand could come in handy later) after a heady night at the MGM Grand and Studio 54.

Looking back on it, it's so obvious why that happened. Painfully obvious. So obvious that it's almost amazing that a guy that's been making a fool of himself as long as Solo Clubber could possibly bungle things so completely yet again. But it happened.

My only hope is that by detailing the sordid string of events through this newfangled internet thingy I can hopefully somehow prevent somebody else (if there is anybody else) from so thoroughly botching things up the way I so completely and so successfully did.

Details tomorrow...